


Will We Ever Be Fine?

by theliatris



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Based on Day6 Not Fine what do you expect, Break Up, Brief mention of Jiwoo, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Haseul just doesn't know what to do, I got caught up in the feels, I'm Sorry, Jungeun is optimistic, Long-Distance Relationship, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theliatris/pseuds/theliatris
Relationships: Jo Haseul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Kudos: 25





	Will We Ever Be Fine?

When Jungeun decided that she would accept Haseul’s offer to fake date, she didn’t consider the possibility of being hurt. What could go wrong from a relationship with her best friend’s sister whose she had fallen for the moment she enters the college’s life?

She was from the Department of Natural Science walked in a group with three people she knew later as Jinsoul, the blonde with sharp jawline, and Sooyoung, the thick dark haired tall girl with the widest smile Jungeun had ever seen. Haseul was the tiniest, she didn’t know that it was because she walked between the tall girls, but the salmon pink sweater which wrapped her seemed to be oversized. Jungeun nearly stumbled when she stopped next to her, a clueless new freshman wandering around a board filled with club posters.

“Have you ever considered joining our club? We do play, we sing, dance, and act.”

Jungeun’s heart palpitated, Haseul looked even cuter when she stood so close to her. Her bob hair covered her oval face perfectly. And Jungeun just realized their hight had not much difference. Jungeun wished Haseul didn’t hear how hard her heart was beating.

“I- I haven’t decided.”

“My sister told me to find you. She insisted she would join the music club to create a band or something with her friends Olivia and Gowon. She told me you would be a better addition than her, in our club. You know Jiwoo, right?”

If Jungeun was surprised, she made sure she didn’t show it. She restrained when her eyes widened, never expected Jiwoo is actually Haseul’s sister. She knew Jiwoo was adopted when she was in elementary school, her best friend had told her everything, except her sister’s name. She always addresses her as ‘cool unnie’ and Jungeun just follows. Does that nickname lie?

So Jungeun nodded at the offer, she would try joining the college’s play club. Nothing’s wrong with challenging herself in this new environment, right? She could practice acting, she would just hone her already polished singing and dancing.

When Jungeun decided that she would accept Haseul’s offer to fake date, she didn’t consider the possibility of being hurt. What could go wrong from pretending to date her club’s president who has always been so nice to her?

One time, Jungeun sprained her ankle when she practiced a choreography with fake swords. Her weapon made a loud thud sound upon falling atop the wooden floor of their stage, Haseul raised her hand and shouted a stop to everyone. She rushed to Jungeun, holding back her tears while gripping her own foot. It was painful, her muscle felt like it’s tied into a knot while being strained to every direction, Jungeun thought she would never experience a pain stronger than that.

“Can you stay awake for 7 minutes? I will try to make it less than that.”

Jungeun could only nod. Had no capacity to answer more than that nor to think what Haseul would do. So, when Jinsoul helped her jump on Haseul’s back, Jungeun startled, yet has no energy to process everything. All she knew was Haseul running from their theatre building to the nearest clinic in Medical Faculty. Jungeun felt like crying, why must she act this nice to Jungeun? Who would take responsibility if Jungeun fall? Jungeun cried for real, her tears trickled down her cheeks as she tightened her grip on Haseul’s shoulders, the pain in her ankle mixture with her fear clouded into one.

When Jungeun decided that she would accept Haseul’s offer to fake date, she didn’t consider the possibility of being official. Despite the fact that she was so happy she could as well get a test score lower than 85 and she wouldn’t complain like usual. Despite the fact that she was so happy everyone labeled them as the queen and princess from the theatre club. She knew this had to come to an end. Haseul was just trying to make Sooyoung jealous. Sooyoung who is so oblivious while Haseul had been pining to her for nearly two years. Sooyoung who is so oblivious when almost everyone on campus knew Haseul had a thing for her. Haseul only needed Sooyoung to react, and soon, all of this will be over. Haseul only needed to see what would happen if everyone no longer thought she still held her piece of hope to Sooyoung, and soon, all of this will be over. Jungeun kept telling herself that whenever she got too happy. And she knew she would be prepared enough when the time comes, she wouldn’t get hurt.

Haseul is so cute. Everything she did is cute in Jungeun’s eyes. The way she always takes the farther route just to pick Jungeun up to go to college together. The way she would take all of the carrots from her soup because Jungeun likes it so much. The way she always sings Jungeun to sleep after their annual call. The way she would always hold her hands in their evening stroll every Saturday, forgetting the fact that Sooyoung worked in the bookstores next to the night market they would often visit.

There were times when Haseul would vent to Jungeun too. When she heard that Sooyoung went to a blind date with someone from outside the campus. Haseul’s expression was so stern Jungeun could feel her meat would get sliced by Haseul’s stare alone. _It scared her when Haseul turned cold like that. If this didn’t work, will Haseul leave? Was it going to end?_ Eventually, they stayed, they were okay and still professed their love to each other nearly every time they could whenever they were on the campus.

It’s been two months of them playing pretend until the night comes. They no longer visited the night market where they used to see Sooyoung. They no longer talked about Sooyoung. It was only them, and about them. That night Haseul, much to Jungeun’s surprise confessed her love to her under no pretense.

“We really should stop this.” Jungeun expected this, it’s the time. She inhaled deeply and prepared her best smile to Haseul until the older continued, “I don’t feel anything towards Sooyoung anymore. We have spent too many quality times together and I don’t think I would want to stop that, with you.”

Jungeun nearly cried. Her defense wall crumbled and a garden of flowers just bloomed behind it. Jungeun didn’t dare to even ask for this and now this is what she got? She didn’t prepare herself for this, so when Haseul cupped her face and wiped the tears in the corner of her eyes, Jungeun choked. She couldn’t let any word out.

“Don’t cry.”

Jungeun only managed to nod. She was so happy how could she not cry?

“Would you be my girlfriend, for real this time?”

Jungeun nodded again. She nodded repeatedly even after Haseul pulled her into a hug. She was so happy she would only give a yes and nod to Haseul. Nothing could go wrong if they were official now, and Jungeun shall remove all of her fears. That’s what she thought when her smile couldn’t falter as she went to sleep. Ears humming with a song Haseul sang to her just a few minutes ago.

When Haseul got accepted in one student exchange program, Jungeun was sure nothing could beat their love apart. They had been dating officially for two months now, four if she counts the fake dating period. Jungeun nagged at Haseul who always postpones her packing, having her room messy with several kinds of stuff she randomly put down next to her luggage because she needed to remind herself it’s essential. Jungeun sat down in Haseul’s room, ordering Haseul to choose her clothes as Jungeun helped her tidying the contents of her luggage. Jungeun rearranged some stuff in Haseul’s room too while she was at that.

“You are really hopeless.” Jungeun teased, to which Haseul laughed at. Haseul lying flat on her stomach, head in the corner of her bed, looking at Jungeun who still sat on the floor checking her memo list on what Haseul needed to bring. Making sure nothing is left out.

“I’m not hopeless when I have you, you are like, hope.” Haseul blurted.

“Say one corny pickup line again and I would smack you,” Jungeun warned.

“Yeah? Gonna miss that warning and nagging of yours, for sure.”

Jungeun quickly turned her head and found Haseul staring at her, so close they could share a kiss.

“You want to share a kiss?”

Jungeun swore she didn’t think out loud. She was about to protest but then she remembered how rare this moment was for them, and Haseul was about to go, far away in another country for six months. Jungeun nodded. She shifted herself closer to Haseul when the latter put her hand behind her neck, whispering softly I will miss you in between their silent kisses. Jungeun nodded. She will miss her too.

Jungeun misses her every day like a daily meal schedule. The different timezone made her stay up late at night just to call her. Made her secretly taking a short break in between play practice just to say goodnight to Haseul. They were fine. They were going to be fine, right?

But they are two different individuals with far much too different schedules now. Jungeun had to prepare for the big performance for competition in town, practice times were doubled. Haseul, no matter where she was, has always been a leader type. Who always volunteers herself in a big club and events handling. Haseul has always been the busy popular type who wouldn’t say no to a good chance in improving herself, one reason that got her landed at this exchange program.

When Jungeun was busy, it seemed easy. The moment her play competition and midterm exam were done, Jungeun felt empty. She could feel how Haseul’s absence affected her twice as much. Jungeun tried to call her when she thought it would be free time, but Haseul never picked up. Not until it was too late and Jungeun got too sleepy to say something more than two lines. Their texts were getting dry. They only exchanged about what did they do for the day and even that was slowly decreasing in frequency.

“Are you having a lot on your minds now?” Jungeun asked one night in their annual call, after Jungeun’s five attempts.

“Nothing... it’s just, getting super hectic here.”

“You sounded like you were crying.” Jungeun was genuinely concerned, Haseul rarely cried, not in front of her. Jiwoo said she only witnessed her adopted sister cried twice. She kept it to herself quite too well.

“Maybe I can help... just to make you feel better, at least?” Jungeun offered.

“It’s okay, really. I just think if I talk about this again, I would cry. My nose hurt from too much crying.” Haseul admitted, at last, still refuse to talk to Jungeun about her concern.

“Don’t get sick, I am not there to take care of you.”

“Yeah, I am hopeless.” Haseul tried to joke to which Jungeun smiled at, maybe Jungeun was the one who was really hopeless.

“Yeah, hopeless without hope,” Jungeun emphasized.

Days went by, and it seemed like Haseul’s time for her life out there increased, having little to no time for a simple short call with Jungeun. Sometimes, it was an invitation to her club’s friend’s birthday party, sometimes it’s a meeting talking about a festival, and Haseul would be a vocalist of the band. Haseul sounded happy, Jungeun didn’t hear it from her phone call, of course, she looked at it through her SNS story. A little sad considering Haseul didn’t get enough time to share the happy news with her, one of them always got too tired or sleepy when they got the chance to call.

“Remember when you said the play was much more fun than being in a band,” Jungeun said one time, in a rare chance they got to connect through a call.

“Yeah, she would be jealous.”

“No, she would be proud of you, like me. You seem to enjoy your life there, Seul.” Jungeun smiled, she knew Haseul couldn’t see it, but she put her sincerity in her words.

“You are too kind.”

“So are you. You were too kind to me.”

There was a moment of silence, Jungeun thought Haseul fell asleep so she prepared to get out from her dorm’s room, heading towards the practice hall. She chose to live in the campus’s dormitory since her second year.

“Yeah, I was,” Haseul replied when Jungeun stepped her foot on the first stair. Jungeun froze on the spot. What could she mean?

“I am having a performance tonight with my friends, by the way.”

Jungeun forced a smile, and nodded, like how she always did to Haseul.

“Have fun, Haseul.”

Their line disconnected.

Are they still fine? Jungeun fought her urge to cry on the spot and walked quickly. She would use an excuse of acting to let her emotions out. She wanted to scream, she had a lot of questions she could never ask. Will they be fine staying like this? Will they go back to how they were once Haseul is back? That’s the only hope Jungeun kept telling herself, they will be fine once Haseul is back. They will be. The distance was the only problem.

So when Jungeun finally able to pick Haseul up in the airport as soon as she is back, she jumped to her embrace. Hugging her girlfriend tightly and how she doesn’t care if people are looking.

“Do you miss me?” Jungeun looked up, peppering the older’s face with small kisses.

“I do. You get so clingy now, maybe distance was not so bad if it changed you like this.” Jungeun pouted. The distance was too bad.

“Welcome back, sortie.” The familiar voice could be heard, two footsteps behind Jungeun.

“Sooyoung, Jinsoul, you come too.” Haseul let go of Jungeun and hugged Sooyoung and Jinsoul in turn.

“Of course, our captain is back.” Sooyoung pat Haseul’s back, making Jungeun, who temporarily held the captain position from Haseul, shifting her attention to a vending machine not too far from them. One kid was trying to order and Jungeun swears she wanted to help until who seemed like his mother come next to the what around like nine years old boy.

Jungeun turned her head back at Haseul, who was now laughing with Sooyoung and Jinsoul. When was the last time she saw that kind of smile? The kind that’s so free, like she is completely being herself, like a kid who doesn’t know the concept of sin yet.

“Do you love me?” Jungeun asked one night when Haseul dropped her off to her dormitory.

“What kind of question is that?” the lamp in front of their dorm was broken, so Haseu;’s expression was not visible. Jungeun made a mental note to remind the caretaker once again that it needed to be changed.

“It’s been so long.”

“Yeah, but nothing changes, you are still my kind and little Jungeun.”

Kind. The word left a pang in her heart, it reminded Jungeun of their last phone call before Haseul got back to this country a week later. Which mean, a whole week without verbal communication between them. Sometimes, Haseul felt strange, Jungeun didn’t know if it was just her. She kept telling herself everything was fine. There will be a better night than this, there will be quality times they shared again in every evening they would take a stroll.

But Jungeun didn’t expect that night would be the last night Haseul took her back after practice. Haseul has always been the social queen. Disappearing from six months means more people had been queueing to go have a talk with her, more people had planned to do an activity with her, more people had invited her to a collaboration project together, because this is Haseul, who knows how to do many things at once and satisfied people with her discipline, skills, and leadership. So once again, Jungeun had to share.

One month passed and nothing has changed. More than fifty percent of Haseul’s free times are reserved for her friends. Jungeun felt like she would be too selfish to even ask for more than their brief meeting in play practice and a short phone call before they sleep.

 _Jungeun was not fine_. But she kept telling herself this would be fine. They will be fine.

She kept wondering whether they will be fine. She didn’t know when did it go wrong. Was it the start? She had to know what she signed up for when Haseul had always been so active. Was it when Haseul asked her to fake date her? Did Haseul still love Sooyoung? Look at how happy and free she could be when she laughed with her. Was it when Jungeun say yes to Haseul’s confession? Miscalculating that perhaps Haseul just got too caught up in the moment and didn’t really mean it?

Jungeun cried herself to sleep, one time, she considered calling Jiwoo her best friend to ask advice on what she shall do. But she always hesitates. Even when Haseul was still oversea, she couldn’t bring herself to contact Jiwoo about her sadness, because this is her bestfriend’s sister. Sister whose Jiwoo looks up to as a cool unnie. Jungeun doesn’t want to ruin that. She cried alone. It’s been nearly two months since the last time they had a decent eat out together and sit together to talk.

So when Jungeun finally gathered her courage to ask Haseul to accompany her trying one new seafood restaurant that’s opened near their campus, Jungeun didn’t think Haseul would agree so quickly. Jungeun said she wants to talk. She asked Haseul what has gone so wrong between them and she would try to fix. Clearly, she didn’t prepare herself for this kind of scenario.

“I think, we should breakup.”

If she could choke on a shrimp, she would, but Jungeun didn’t bite anything and she had just sipped her cider.

“What?”

“I have been making you cry a lot. The guilt consumed me as a whole.”

Jungeun was breathing rapidly.

“You don’t love me anymore?”

“I do, I really do. I love you so much that I think it would be best for us to break up. I can no longer make you happy. I am sorry, Jungeun.”

Jungeun swears she hates the word sorry at that time. Sorry is not something she wanted to hear. Sorry implied that nothing could be changed from Haseul’s decision. It’s final.

“This is ridiculous.”

“I am sorry.”

“Stop. Don’t say sorry again, stop. Unless you let me fix this unless you let me love you, stop saying sorry.” Jungeun stuttered in her speech.

Haseul didn’t say anything again, and Jungeun’s heart shattered. She didn’t want to fix this. She gave up. She gave up on them, on Jungeun.

They were not fine. Something she had always been scared of but never wanted to admit, _they were never fine._


End file.
